Horoscopes For Those Trying To Feel Human Emotions
Aries
I was walking to get coffee the other morning and for whatever reason my attention was seized by a jacket in a store window that was advertised as reversible. The words "reversible heart" sprang into my head and I considered what that might be. Quilted and cozy on one side, repellent on the other. Great if these are the qualities that make up a garment intended for the outdoors, but not so much for our big, anxious, sensitive, squishy hearts. A reversible heart is one that isn't right with itself. It's full of self-doubt and uncertainty and switches from one side to the other without much explanation. It doesn't have to be all-or-nothing. You don't have to switch to the repellent side the moment you feel yourself exposed (to the elements). Get right with yourself. Feel the rain. Take a deep breath out in the open and let something in between take root instead- a grounded heart.
Taurus
Happy Birthday to all of us Tauruses! Taures? Tauri? I'm not sure what the plural form of Taurus is and frankly I don't care to look it up because I am already anxious about being late to write these Emotiscopes and what I'm sure are life changing revelations for both of my readers. Speaking of anxiety, this month, I recommend you get up close and personal with what yours looks like. Mine is a particular party of a headspace of abandonment where I am absolutely certain that I will lose everything and everyone I care about deeply because at some point I was somehow not enough or too much. Sometimes versions of that have actually happened, so my mind seems content to file this away as fact. However there are also times that this has not happened, which is important to remember. When I'm familiar with the form my anxiety will take, it's so much less of a surprise when it inevitably does show up (and it will), and I can pre-emptively plan for how to diffuse it. Instead of reacting to it like the apocalypse just showed up at my door, I can say, "Oh, hello. I anticipated you might be coming by. You can stay for a little bit but then I really need to get back to cleaning my bathtub."
Gemini
I think a lot of times the people who seem the coldest and most withdrawn are actually those who feel the most. The freeze is to keep themselves from feeling like they might be swallowed whole by their feelings. Not to say it’s the best coping mechanism, but consider when you notice this behaviour that it might not have anything to do with you at all. If you are the freezer, remember that you don’t have to shut down just to survive. Resist the urge to numb yourself away from connection, from intimacy. Take one of those frozen hands and reach out for someone who cares about you. The people who love you are waiting for you to thaw; they want you to share with them all those things you thought might swallow you whole so that they can help to make them more digestible. The funny thing is, sometimes the worst of the things we freeze ourselves against, once brought out in open, evaporate into the air like mist and are carried out into the atmosphere and into the ether.
Cancer
Take some time to resuscitate yourself. Don't do any of that capitalist self-care bullshit every other facebook post is trying to sell you. You don’t need to sign up for a subscription box or go to the spa or whatever. Resuscitate yourself by taking the time to quietly sit alone, uninterrupted, free of any distractions, and remind yourself of the things you need to feel happy. Make a list and write down whatever comes to mind. I mean that, write down even the smallest, stupidest-seeming things. I once did this and wrote hokey shit like “clean sheets, plants, the colour turquoise”. It’s normal to get a little wrapped up in the things happening in our lives, so when you find yourself starting to drift, use this as your anchor. Keep in mind too, you don’t have to abandon ship at the slightest wave, the whole point of this exercise is to have something to refer back to when you need to steady yourself. Think of it like fortifying your hull instead of needing to find an entirely new ship every time you float in a new direction. Also, remember that you have a rudder. Use it.
Leo
Woahhh I am wordy this month! Leo, just for you I’m going to keep it short and semi-sweet (a.k.a vegan). Tell people the truth. Honestly share the contents of your heart. Don’t be a chickenshit.
Virgo
Take some long walks this month, either alone or with someone, or both, and pay attention to what happens to your mind and body after a while. Notice how the physicality of propelling your body forwards also soothes the anxiety in your head. I know this to be true so well, and yet I also constantly forget how much more mentality sound of a person I am when I am forcing myself to move. Use the movement to externalize all that jittery shit inside you that sometimes compels you to act like an asshole because you don't know what to do with it. Walk it that shit off!
Libra
Give your pets and maybe even your friends and loved ones extra pats and snuggles because you are a light in their life and one day they will be gone.
Scorpio
You guys need to chill the f*ck out already. Except for Chief, who is so far gone in chill he is practically an apres-ski bevy at an upscale chalet in the Andes with a very laissez-faire atmosphere.
Sagittarius
Do away with doubting yourself for awhile. If you're a remotely empathetic and intelligent person, you probably tend to do this a lot, but be aware of how often backtrack yourself because of it. Distill the voices inside yourself until the one that's ringing clear and true is the one that is speaking softly, but kindly. We're built for survival, but the chronology of our lives sometimes leaves a few wires crossed, and there are certain voices that mean well, but actually end in some kind of sabotage. The one that sounds patient, that speaks gently and doesn't make you feel bad? That's the one to listen to.
Capricorn
Sometimes we all might feel like we want to get on our sit-down lawnmowers and send the local police on a low-speed / low-stakes hunt for someone casually driving their John Deere down the highway on a sunny weekday afternoon. It's freeing to just straight up not give a f*ck about how ridiculous we might look, and to thumb our noses at the man. We all have a little rebellion in our hearts, why not give it a little taste of the wind in its hair? I don't mean to tell you to start robbing banks or committing arson, but maybe just low forms of mischief. Channel some inner Loki! Let loose! Go steal some free magazines! Take your lawnmower for a spin on the Pat Bay Highway!
Aquarius
Your mattress cover should be washed just as often as your sheets. You know what you've done.
Pisces
Call someone out on their bullshit. People get away with way too much shit these days because we're all supposed to play it cool and be chill and never ask clarifying questions because that would totally ruin the vibe. Fuck the vibe. Ask as many questions as you need to understand what's going on and how you feel about it, and if something seems off, say so. It'll feel good. Hold those motherf*ckers accountable!! Repel that bullshit! Just make sure you've got on your reversible jacket.
