Oh, hey there. You thought I was over this, didn't you? Well, friend, you thought wrong. Secretly, I've been stewing and plotting over this for awhile now. Just waiting for the right moment to strike back at you. Just waiting until it's been long enough that you've probably forgotten about the whole thing entirely, and have no reason to have your guard up. You see, I'm a patient person. I can wait. And I will. I'm going to wait until there's something that you hold dear and sacred, like the purity and cleanliness of a hot shower after a long day, and I'm going to piss all over it. Metaphorically speaking. Maybe.
And you know what? You couldn't just stop there, could you? No. You also decided to later throw a glass of ice water on me while I was enjoy a few moments of solitude in the comfort of the shower.
I realize that we are both of the nature of not knowing the appropriate time to stop escalating a situation. I realize that this is only going to get progressively fucking weird and gross and probably infringing on several health codes and human rights, but whatever. You started this. You know full well my feelings on pee in the shower, and how I think that under all and any circumstances it's disgusting. I don't care how good your aim is, which is not great by the way, it is not all going directly down the drain.
You know what I also enjoy doing in my tub? Taking a bath. I don't really want your urine as company during my bath time, and I'm lazy and don't want to have to clean the tub. Do I come over to your house and take a dump in your sauna? No, I don't, but maybe this is where this will eventually go.
So, friend, I'm just going to let you get comfortable. Go ahead and fall into a nice cozy sense of security. We'll hang out and laugh and have a great time and drink beers and I'll probably even let you borrow my pants again. I'm not even going to bring the shower incident up. Let's leave the past in the past! Let bygones be bygones! Hahahahahahaha! I totally forgot what even happened to make me so cunningly vindictive!!!! WRONG. I didn't. Consider this a promise.
Patiently yours,
Me
xoxo
P.S. Oh, and also, while you were sleeping I went and peed in your wetsuit.
