Angie and I Talk About Our Period Underwear

Oh, what's that? You missed Shark Week? Dry your eyes little dragons, because there's another kind of Shark Week I'll bet you didn't even know about, and it's a whole lot bloodier. Yup. I'm talking about Period Week. My sister referred to it as that one time, and it pretty much took off from there. 

So listen up dudes, we think it's disgusting too, but it's just a part of life. Deal with it. You know what else is disgusting? Peeing in the shower. The difference is that's not just a part of life, that's a choice. And this is why boys are not allowed at my house.

Angie: Hey, have you had this spa treatment yet?

Me: Oh yeah. I had that on my first day here. It was great, though overwhelming. I had literally just arrived in town the day before after driving across the country, and then showed up for my first day of work, and I think I was still on EST and feeling all kinds of weird emotions that I can't talk about because ewww, feelings. But I just felt unprepared, though extremely grateful to get this awesome treatment right off the bat.

Angie: Unprepared?

Me: Yeah, well I mean I wasn't expecting to have a massage or anything, and I had just been in a car for 5 days, and I was wearing trousers, so I hadn't shaved in awhile. Also, don't judge me, I was wearing underwear from the shark week roster. Because of the 5 day car thing... and definitely not because I was too lazy to dig out a nice pair.

And then on top of that I had never had a treatment with the body scrub and bath part too, so when the therapist told me to get fully undressed, I was all "You want me to get naked?" and "You are also staying in the room while I have a bath?" I didn't know it was for safety purposes, and not for, you know, voyeur purposes.

Angie: Hahaha! Shark week roster. You have that too?

Me: I just assumed everyone did.

Angie: One time I went to the chiropractor, and I was totally wearing shark week panties, but it's not like you could tell how battleworn they were, I thought, but then the chiro off-handedly says, "Oh, interesting colour."

Me: Your chiro commented on the colour of your underwear?

Angie: Yes! So when I got home I was all paranoid they were stained and I had to thoroughly check.

Me: Wow. That was pretty unprofessional of the chiro. Unprofesh.

Angie: But maybe it was just because they were Ron Burgandy coloured?

Me: Maybe he likes Scotch?

Angie: Take me to Pleasure Town.

Me: Oh you minxy little seductress! Please stop making advances that you are not prepared to follow through on, otherwise I am going to HR.

Angie: Ugh, I also have these underwear that my mom sent me that are, and I have no idea why she would buy these for me, a large, and come like half way up my waist.

Me: But you are at your bloatiest, maybe an extra small!

Angie: I know. But they really are comfortable and the waist band doesn't cut into me and now they are all worn, so I threw them into the shark week lineup. But soooo much material!

Me: Hahaha! Remember (name redacted)? She had these pair of jeans that were super old but she said she kept them for the very same comfort reasons. She said her husband affectionately named them the Mat Leave Jeans.

Angie: Yes! They are just like that. Ryan (the husband) jokes that if I ever didn't make it to the bathroom in time, it would be no big deal because there is so much extra room. He sarcastically calls them the Skanky ones.

Me: Whoa. If that ever happened, I think they would be the Stanky ones.

Angie: Mra haha! High five!

*We high five*

Me: If there was anything worse than blood bath underwear, would it be slightly-chewed-by-dogs underwear? I mean, the really chewed ones I throw out, I'm not disgusting. But the others, they only have a few small teeth holes.

Angie: But I bet they are comfy?

Me: So comfy!

Angie: You totally wore shark week/slightly chewed undies on your first day, didn't you?

Me: Yup.

Angie: Lunchtime!