But Enough About Me, Let's Talk About My Book

Players, ballers, midnight callers,

What is up? Welcome to my blog! 

As Heidi Klum says, "In fashion, you ahre either in, or you ahre auwt." What does this have to do with anything? Why are you asking so many questions? Who are you, the cops? Listen big shot, just cool your jets for a second and I'll come around to that in a moment.

So before you ahre either in, or you ahre auwt, I feel compelled to warn you of a few things up front:

. When I was young, I sort of thought I'd grow up to find that I had awesome mutant powers like the X-Men. Turns out I was right.

. Before you start asking me what my super power is, you should probably also know that when I was young, I used to like pretending that I was horse. As in, I used to set up show jumping courses made with pillows, side tables, Dad's golf clubs, pretty much whatever available made a good jump, and then I would compete in my own made up competitions. Sometimes I made my parents watch. My mom swears that I learned how to trot before I learned to run (for serious, I would actually trot).

. I love, love, LOVE Celine Dion. I am not joking.

. My mom taught me that when life throws you lemons, you really should just find alcoholic juice boxes to take with you to booze-free family friendly horse shows so that you can drink them discretely from your lawn chair. What the fuck does lemons have to do with this?

. I sometimes get night sweats.

. I also really love men's fashion. I anxiously await the new issue of GQ in the mail every month. I am still not joking.

Oh yeah, and I occasionally write stuff. I less than occasionally exercise the skill of editing that stuff. Most of it is true stuff, but some of it is not. And I'm not about to tell you which is which. Which is witch? But let's not talk sorcery, I'd rather keep this fact based. So I made it into an equation:

Fiction < Truth - how I have chosen to remember certain things + 5/3 x conversations that I have made into my own words = I am fucking terrible at math

I used to think that math was universally funny, because according to my grade 10 math teacher, it is the universal language. I don't want to call anyone a liar, but apparently he is one.

That is all.

Auf Wiedersehen!

Natalie Bell