Love, No Matter What

It's so easy to get stuck in the ego, to get hooked on where we've been wronged and who's hurt us. I have such a hard time with this. Someone hurts me and I want to call them out and tell them how they've wronged me and make them feel bad and make me feel right. I want them to understand how inconsiderate they were and how it made me feel. Peel that back a few layers and you'll find that what I'm really getting at, is that I want to matter to someone. I want to matter enough for it to change. Our ego tells us it's about what we are or are not, what we did or didn't do, it tells us it's personal when so rarely it actually is. In the midst of heartbreak, there's a bigger picture to be seen.

Can you still love even when everything is falling apart? Can you love, no matter what? Even when you feel wronged and hurt and stood up and let down and angry and slighted and exhausted and just really fucking vulnerable? In order to find connection, we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and exposed and be really seen. We have to be willing to let someone see and feel our shadows, and love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee.

To feel this vulnerable means I'm alive. 

If we're going to find our way to each other, vulnerability is going to be the only path. But to get there, we have to move through shame first.

"We numb shame, but you cannot selectively numb emotion. We try to numb fear, shame, grief; we say, I don't want to feel this so I’m going have a beer. When we do that, we also numb happiness, joy, gratitude, and then feel miserable and looking for purpose and meaning, and it becomes a cycle. We need to ask, why and how do we numb?"-Dr. Brené Brown

Empathy is the antidote to shame. Where is shame holding us back? How does it influence our choices, inform our decisions, and choose our words? Where has it shut us down and made us hard? When I'm playing it cool or holding back or acting like I'm bulletproof, I'm not connecting. That's not who I am. That's me skimming along the surface. That's me hollowing myself out because I'm afraid, because to acknowledge the true depth would mean I'd have to be accountable and I'd have to be my best self and I couldn't be lazy.

Don't be lazy with love. Get out of your head. Bring your mind to your body and feel the connection. Stop, listen, and feel. Surrender to the vulnerability of being seen at your core, but fight to be your strongest self, every day. It will be easier to coast, to float along like a cloud. Don't be a cloud, be the sun. Rise every morning, even when you don't feel like it. Shine out, even when it would be easier not to. Open to the light inside you, and light them up too. That's your power.

Those who have wronged you? Send them love. If they've hurt you, it's probably because their own hurt is greater. Let them go, and send them the grace to learn what they need and find what they need to be their best selves. And don't do it from a fucking high horse with condescension. Do it with sincerity and compassion. You'll feel the difference. It will feel like coming up for air after being held under water; it will be both frightening and a miracle, and a reminder that you are alive. Send them love. That's how you stay open and keep going. That's how your heart grows. That's how you connect to vulnerability without it crushing you, and the world will see the truth of your beauty, the magic of your story.

Love, no matter what.